Sign this if you reeeaaaally luv me!!!

Well, if you read my previous post, you would know about a guy who is interested in a sort of 'arranged marriage' with moi, so like all them celebrities, I decided to draft this pre-nuptial agreement...I still find this silly and I think if I give this to him, that would scare him, and make him leave me alone. Anyway I got some inspiration from a "woman's magazine", and I'll give this to my future husband.

To whom this may concern,
Here are my most pressing Maritial requirements, mark them well and ignore at your peril!!!


Consummation
Intercourse shall be deemed necessary every other day, (well if its good enough for J Lo). Sex strikes shall not be grounds for dismissal (I'm a socialist you know), but they shall be grounds for hiring of temporary labour while we get the arbitrators in. If we get behind on the four-time-a-week-rule, say I'm watching LOST or something, missed sex shall be held in arrears, upon which I shall require it 17 times in one day. I know its alot, but it will maintain the fiction that we still fancy each other as much as we did when we first met. However, you are allowed to wear an eye mask and call me Beyonce.

INDISCRETION
There is a one off fine of three million for every infidelity, though I shall choose which currency this is in, depending on how insane with jealousy I feel when I hear about it (like if its some old boiler in the back of a van). there is a discount if you break off half way though and go "I cant do this!!" " I love my wife!!", But its not a big discount. If I have a sex scene as part of my work, (this iS not likely what with not being a film star - but say I had to work for Clinton or something), I promise not to enjoy it. In the likely event of a break up, you MUST ans were media enquiries with the line "She goes off like a volcano in the sack!" Yes I know its a bit 80's, but I read it in a Jilly Cooper novel once and thought it sounded cool.

MONEY AND HOUSES
I take possession of ALL houses. Well all house, OK, all fl ate (apartment). You can have ONE cupboard to keep all the stuff in that you cant take back to your parents house (before i forget, you have to spend the full decade following our break up, living with your parents. Ha!) I require, 62% of all money earned on each day of the week, apart from Sundays, where I know for a fact, you don't do anything!.

HOLIDAYS AND LIFESTYLE DEMANDS
Even after divorce, you still have to accompany me on holidays, where the station is far from the hotel, until such time as I pass a driving test, or you die. During the week, your only allowed out when I'm going out anyway - and you cant come home after me, (Ill be cross) or before me (you might guilt trip me). You need to get home exactly the same time as me, but your NOT allowed to call me on my mobile phone to find out where I am (that would be annoying). I guess you'll just have to hide around the corner or something.

OFF-SPRING
If I go through all the trauma of child birth, and then it ends up being a boy, and looking just like you, with exactly your temperament, then you need to go through an equal ordeal for something that you get no benefit from whatsoever. Like I don't know, a bungee wedgie, like they do on Jackass.

WEIGHT MANAGEMENT PROGRAM
I require you to look shit-hot on days when we're going out, then gain a HUGE tummy for days when I'm feeling slightly insecure and need reassurance than only I'll ever have you. This means that you'll have to gain and loose weight very quickly like Oprah. But no binging. That's just horrid!

STAFF
That would be cool - We're not allowed those cute ones in aprons though.


Must sign here................

Working abroad

I cant wait for Friday, its gonna be the end of the semester and the day I hand in all my work in. All this week, Ive been doing noting but reading, but today I thought I'd stay home all alone, and have the house to myself, when just as I was about to turn the sound my music up (btw I listen to this cool New York based online station called

www.krock2.com ), some woman with her child decided to visit us. And since my mother wasn't home, I thought she'd just go, but NO, she wanted to stay and chat with me, and I didn't even know her. But anyway she stayed till about 1, and came around 9am.

Anyways I managed to finish the last of my coursework, when my mother came to my room and said that some Somali man and a Sheik are gonna come to the house latter on, and that he asked her if he could marry one of us. I just started laughing, coz I never thought something like that would happen, and my mother said yes to him. So all she wanted was for me to come down and say Hi, but when he did come I decided to take a shower, I mean I find it silly parading around for some guy, even if you just saying Hi, he will be 'assessing' if you'd do as a wife.

Anyway when he left, He asked my mother about me, walahi this is funny coz I've never seen him ever, and he wants to get married. I know this is the halal way, but still I think If I'd get married it will be some guy that i got to know first, not just someone looking for a wife. And anyways I'd like to graduate first and at least earn my own money, travel and buy my own house before getting married.

I've been trying to look for jobs abroad like in USA or New Zealand or the Caribbean. I haven't told my mother yet, but I bet shes gonna freak out if she finds out Im planning on going away for a year after Uni. She thinks because Im female and black n Muslim, that something 'bad' would happen to me, but dont millions of single girls travel alone every year, and its not like im going to some remote country, it would be to learn more, see different people and also get experience so I could get a really good job latter on. Im soo bored of being in London now, I find it tiring and very dull, I think London is nice to get an education but not to live if you like peaceful surroundings. Inshaallah hopefully things go well for me and I get that job abroad, it would be nice also living alone and growing as a person, because now I still feel like a child coz Im still living at home. I really cant wait, I think New Zealand or Trinidad would be nice....

Ramdon stuff about my life

The past few weeks I havnt been sleeping well, and I'm feeling so tired and dead, sometimes I just wonder why Im doing all this. I think I have some sort of insomnia because I go for periods of sleeping well, then a couple of weeks I only get a couple of hours sleep. I'm a bit scared now, that Im one day gonna wake up and see my face all wrinkly with bags and all that, actually writing this is making me feel sick. You know my greatest fears in Life is being broke, getting wrinkles, physical pain and death. Ever since I was young like 13, I've been on some sort of diets, doing yoga, exercising and using millions of beauty products, facials going to spas. And now I'm like nearly 21 and Im still doing all this, but Ive calmed down on using make up, well apart from mineral organic make-up. My mother is always saying to me how I could have bought a house or car with the money i spend on pampering myself, but dont you think its much better to look good and be broke than have a big house and be not so good looking.

Anyway my routine is like this: I go to the gym everyday for 2 hours, I use organic face cleaners, natural oils on my face and body (jojoba oil, evening primrose oil, castor oil, vitamin E oil and virgin olive oil). I drink 2L of h2o a day, eat all this fruits and 'rabbit food' and once a month chocolate or crisps. I used to put on make-up, but since there is no one to impress now I dont use any, but if I would it would be mineral make up, its like 100% organic. I also take supplements, I think I got enough to keep a small drug store in business for a year lol, but I dont know, I do all this and im still not happy with how I look, AND on top of all this I dont sleep well. I feel like its all going to waste since if you worry and have sleepless nights, your skin would be bad.
Another thing I live in London which is bloody cold all the time, and I read that in cold countries ppl age faster since our skin is constantly vibrating inside to keep warm.
I seem to be spending a lot of time on the London underground and this is some scary journey. I just like watching all the people on the tube, sometimes I just stare at some woman just analysing her face, she probably thinks im nuts but just looking at the women, those that dress nicely/expensively and then you look at their face and see them with bad skin, bags and they are half asleep just makes me pray that I win the lottery or find meself some rich old man, coz I really wish I dont become like them. I mean although they are independent, rich and can buy anything, they always seem tired, sleepy and have wrinkles or bags and I think whats the point?

I swear even though Im doing Engineering, If i find a man thats rich enough like earns over £100K, I'd drop everything and become a house wife. Yes a house wife, that would be my ideal life, living in a hot country married to a rich older man but not old as in wrinkly old, like I dont know 6-10 yrs older, and yeah just staying at home sleeping well, and not working like some freak. And no Im not a gold digger, Im studying and have some money, but ohhh darn it, I cant explain but I'm not a gold digger. Knowing my luck I'd never find a guy like this and yea he has to be Somali, and ummm knowing Somali guys the highest they earn is not close to that, so yeah I guess I'd have to be working, but Inshaallah I'll work as an Engineer in the oil industry, or biochemical industry designing drugs...ooohhhh what fun!